Terre Grable's Blog

Christian Marriage Blunders: How to Wreak Havoc in Your Relationship in the New Year

2008-01-01T16:53:00Z

A brand new year is here, and with it comes a lot of New Year resolutions. As Christians, there is no greater place to start than within your own marriage. How is your relationship with your spouse? Here are 7 ways to totally wreak havoc in your Christian marriage:

1. Make mountains out of mole hills

Marriages are filled with a lot of joys, sorrows, and irritations along the way. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between a mountain and a molehill. Mountains are those things that are worth taking a stand, while molehills are more like minor irritations. Mountains are very large and immovable. Molehills are small irritating piles of dirt that are easily smoothed over. If you are having difficulty distinguishing between and mountain and a molehill, ask yourself if this issue is worth taking time out of your day to discuss with your spouse.

2. Yell at one another

The quickest way to destroy communication in your Christian marriage is to yell at one another. Proverbs 18:21 states, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Such power the tongue has! Are you using yours for life or death in your relationship with your spouse?

3. Build emotional walls

Emotional walls steal the intimacy in a marriage. And Christian marriages are not free from them. In fact, every marriage has them from time to time because we are imperfect humans. Yet, the difference between a healthy relationship and unhealthy one is what you do with the emotional walls. Do you choose to keep your emotional walls, thereby building them higher? Or do you allow communication and forgiveness to help tear them down?

4. Ignore you problems

Avoidance and denial are two crucial ingredients to destroying any Christian marriage. They go together with the adage “If we don’t face it, then it doesn’t exist” or “Don’t rock the boat.” Conflict avoidance will take your marriage down the pathway to such great destinations of Misunderstanding, Distrust, and Resentment. Where as facing your problems can take you to such resorts as Forgiveness, Intimacy and Happiness.

5. Hold on to resentment

Resentment paralyzes any martial relationship. It serves as a catalyst for distance, lack of communication, and bitterness between spouses. If you want a relationship filled with bitterness, plant the seed of resentment and nurture it with an unforgiving spirit.
6. Store up ammunition for your next argument

Long before popular psychology came into existence, the Apostle Paul penned an award winner definition for Christian love. It is found in I Corinthians 13:5, “...it does not keep a record of wrongs;…” Today some may call this “letting go” or “forgiveness.” Regardless of what it is called, as Christians we are encouraged to not keep a running tally list of the offenses our spouses have committed against us.

6. Never ask for forgiveness

As humans, it feels so much better to point out others’ faults rather than admit our own. Yet, marriage is about having the maturity to first ask for forgiveness for how we have hurt our spouse, rather than demanding their asking us for forgiveness.

Are you interested in showing more forgiveness in your Christian marriage in the New Year? Then I invite you to check out http://www.choosingforgiveness.net/ where you will find more information on the power of forgiveness in your Christian marriage.

The Affirmation of the benefits of Marriage

2007-11-07T03:27:00Z

Recently, there has been a lot of media attention regarding the studies and commentaries done on the benefits of marriage. A few weeks ago, in the UK a study promoted the positive impact marriage has on children versus cohabitation. In addition, Roland Martin’s commentary “Saving marriages must be a national priority” received Most Sent status of day on CNN.com the day it was published. Isn’t is amazing when psychology and the media affirm Biblical principles?

Here are the links:

http://society.guardian.co.uk/health/news/0,,2184246,00.html

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/24/roland.martin/index.html

Remembering 9/11

2007-09-11T18:18:00Z

September 11, 2001 will forever be etched in our minds. I remember previous generations telling me where they were the day they found out about Pearl Harbor, or the day JFK was assassinated. 9/11/01 will be provide the same distinction for the Generation Xers. Political ideaologies and thoughts of the War on Terror are irrelevant today, for it is the time we can look back and remember when we as a country were united through our shock and grief on that horrible day. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and thier families today

Foiled Plans - Take 4

2007-08-29T19:55:00Z

Plans. I love making them. Each day before I get up I try to make a mental outline of what I will be doing that day. Perhaps this is just the illusion of control I appear to have over my life that I really like. It just that I can get such a rush from accomplishing the many things on my to do list. However, I also must confess - I do not adjust that well when my plans are thwarted. Sometimes I actually see it as a personal attack on all that is good in my world.

Yesterday was such a day. I had planned to clean the house, get some writing done, and even attack some of those ongoing project I have. Alas, it did not end up as so. Instead my day was filled with sick children, sick animals, and a house that was more of a wreck than when it started. But then God got my attention, and I was able to catch the sweetness of our daughters smiling at one another. And the tenderness of our arthritic dog lying next to our five year old watching a movie.

So maybe foiled plans are also respites that God gives us to help us see things that we normally would not see in the busyness of the day. What do you think?

Back to school.....

2007-08-13T23:02:00Z

The season is upon us...back to school. The malls remind us, the bookstores remind use, even the hot hazy days of summer seem to remind us. For some school is a welcome relief back to the comfort of a routine. For others, there seems to be a dislike of having to give up the feelings of kicking up thier heels and letting their hair down. Or perhaps you are like me, it is a little bit of both. Yet, I also think there is another perspective: school can be a time of new beginnings for your child. New schools, with new friends, new classes. It is kind of like a new years day in the middle of the year. what about you? What does back to school mean for you?

Creating memories

2007-08-01T04:49:00Z

Recently, I was reminded that time with our children is short lived. I'm sure every parent has come to this realization, but for some reason it has hit me. Perhaps it is our daughter's recent birthday, or how quickly our newborn is growing. My mind then begins to recall all those things I have aimed to teach or do with my children, but I have somehow gotten distracted from them. Justified or not, the excuses I could provide are endless.

Then I realized the one thing that I can give my children that will be the most important is only meaningful, but often free! The answer? Memories. When all is said and done, memories are the most significant thing we can leave our chidren. Be it baking cookies, playing on the playset, or even just chatting holding hands at the mall - all are meaningful to both my children and myself. Sometimes memories are spontaneous and other times we must be intentional. Regardless they are priceless to our children. Go out and make some memories today!

What I learned from Jury Duty

2007-06-13T01:16:00Z

For the past two weeks, I was asked to serve on jury duty. In my hometown, the process is very simple: for two weeks I called in the night before to see if my panel was expected to show up the next day. There was no assurance that I would be needed for jury selection until 6 pm the night before. Needless to say, it was very difficult to plan anything ahead of time during daytime hours for those two weeks. I must confess, my immediate response to this process was one of criticism. However, my attitude quickly became more composed when the judge compared my minimal sacrifice to those serving in Iraq. Moreover, I began to think how easily the frailty of each day is dismissed. I caught myself overzealously planning for the future, meanwhile not even taking notice of the present day. Curiously, I looked up “Days” in a Biblical concordance. With over 350 references, here are a few of my favorites that revealed to me what “one day” can do. 1. Life is short, but God’s faithful love is forever. Ps 103:15-18: As for man, his days are like grass — he blooms like a flower of the field; when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. But from eternity to eternity, the LORD's faithful love is toward those who fear Him, and His righteousness toward the grandchildren of those who keep His covenant, who remember to observe His instructions. 2. God has known me ALL my days. Ps 139:16: Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. 3. God is not surprised when I have a bad day! I can trust God with them. Eccl 7:14: In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity, consider: without question, God has made the one as well as the other, so that man cannot discover anything that will come after him. I am better acquainted with one of the prayers my mother used to pray: Ps 27:4 – I have asked one thing from the LORD; it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the LORD and seeking Him in His temple.

( All references from Holman Christian Standard Bible® Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers.) Scriptures for help with Anxiety Isa 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. (from Holman Christian Standard Bible® Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers.) Isa 40:11 He protects His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them in the fold of His garment. He gently leads those that are nursing. (from Holman Christian Standard Bible® Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers.) Ex 14:13-14 But Moses said to the people, "Don't be afraid. Stand firm and see the LORD's salvation He will provide for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you must be quiet." (from Holman Christian Standard Bible® Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers.)